i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
