just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
