Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
