I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
