I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
youโve pissed every time you slept over. thereโs no such thing as odds anymore. itโs guaranteed
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
