somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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