Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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