Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
