Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
