There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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