That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
