Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
