i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
well you can't waste a boner
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
