she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize