dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize