fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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