I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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