fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
