He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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