Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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