you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
