Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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