oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
