remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
