If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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