I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize