I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
