there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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