Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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