3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
