i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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