Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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