TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
