She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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