i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
