I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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