Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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