Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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