Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
