You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she smelled like a LAN party
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
