i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Someone came in the potted fern
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
