Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
