if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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