Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
