So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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