it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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