I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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