My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So squirting runs in the family.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
