I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Two words: nipple clamps
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