Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
