Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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