this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
