Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
