just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize