the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
