you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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