somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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