i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
