The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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