cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
