This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
