I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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