So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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