I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
