It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
