I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
