how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
