You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
