Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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