The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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