I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
