He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
