I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i think i just lost a toe
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
